Twice in the last couple weeks I’ve been touched by the deeply negative intentions of a person I’ve never met, but know through someone close to me. Her actions are off the chart inappropriate and her ugliness has affected many. She’s out of control and clearly in deep pain. I’ve read the ugliness and pain in her messages and heard through others of their own experiences with her negativity. I’m left wondering how we best deal with those whose negativity and deliberate hatefulness touch our lives. I’ve maintained a clear head and  a spiritual heart through this, though it isn’t easy. I have not responded to her tirade though in some moments my ego would love to do so.

I recognize when someone is out of control and I realize in this situation there is nothing to do but step away. My job is simply to detatch from her negative attitudes and intentions and release the situation. It is not my situation to deal with. My job is to keep my own counsel and refrain from making the situation worse than it already is. I can offer caring to those affected and I can pray they’ll be supported. For her I’ve prayed that God helps her to heal and that he shields the rest of us from her further negativity.

Because I’m on the outer edge of the situation I don’t know how it came to be. I only know it’s not desireable or easy to deal with. I know I can only take care of my own emotions and my own perspective on the situation. I cannot change the experience of those living through her daily tirades of ugliness. I can only ask God to guide each of us, and to surround each of us with his love as we learn to detatch. Though this situation is different than many others, the knowledge I’m reminded of through friends and prayer is deliberate detatchment. I can’t change the situation. I can only ride it out with my personal beliefs and actions intact.

Renaissance Island

 Renaissanace Island Aruba

“There are three components to the Law Of Dharma. The first component says that each of us is here to discover our true Self, to find out on our own that our true Self is spiritual, that essentially we are spiritual beings that have taken manifestation in physical form. We are not human beings having occasional spiritual experiences – it’s the other way around: we’re spiritual beings that have occasional human experiences.”

From the book “The Seven Spiritual Law’s of Success” Deepak Chopra

Today held an epifany moment for me. As I walked through my kitchen, sorting bills and preparing to pay them I paused by the refrigerator, covered in photos. My eye caught the magazine picture I had placed there long ago when I moved in. I’ve been in possesion of the magazine picture for approximately eight years or more. The picture is the scene of a woman writing on a computer on her deck, overlooking the water, a dog close by her side. When I cut that magazine picture out it was with the intention of “creating this life environment for myself”, working at home as a writer with a water view and a dog I loved. As my eye caught that magazine picture this morning, something within me shifted. It was an Ah ha moment.

Spirit was speaking through that magazine picture, showing me I have created this very place for myself. I live in a home overlooking a canal. I’ve created a website geared toward healing, and I’ve completed my book, now awaiting a publisher. For the last year I’ve owned a dog that looks almost completely like the dog from the magazine. When spirit speaks I listen. I know clearly my path is destined to be that of a writer and healer. My work is unfolding and I’m joyous and grateful. Trust in the power of spirit to help you create your dreams and know you will be lead exactly where you belong in divine timing.
Namaste

Big Island of Hawaii Photo Credit: Lisa Overman

Shifts happen whether we’re aware of them or not. Shifts can happen when we feel loved, when we feel supported and when we understand that we have no need for our old habits or insecurities. Shifts can change our lives; they open our minds to new ways of living and new ways of doing things. Some shifts happen gradually because spirit knows that’s all we can handle, that too much transition is difficult for many people.

In my own life I have had dramatic shifts and gradual shifts. Sometimes the shift was self inspired, ie a move to a completely different culture and country. Nothing shifts your life than faster than getting on a plane and living full throttle in a culture you don’t understand, where they speak a language you can barely comprehend. Moves like that shift your perceptions and life dramatically in both good and bad ways. Through years of living overseas, in situations where I had to adapt I now feel comfortable traveling most places and am willing to embrace cultures and overseas experiences with ease.

Every shift is different and they are not all warm and fuzzy or comfortable. Sometimes a shift takes us far out of our comfort zone and we have to learn to adapt to a new way of thinking. That process of learning to think differently is the shift taking place. When we become at ease and we see our life expanded we realize the shift has occured and it’s usually an exciting time with opportunities and new experiences.

Spirit is always guiding our life, whether we are willing to realize it or not. Some days we fight it, and other days we flow with it. The shifts are a natural progression of our life and knowledge expanding. As we follow spirit and listen to our internal voice of inspiration and love we can make some dramatic shifts and find our life going in some amazing and exciting directions. The secret is letting go and releasing the need to have all the answers. The shift will happen, spirit will guide it, answers will come just as we least expect it.

Finally at the encourgement of my friend Myscha I began to seriously think about organizing the closets and giving another few jeep loads to charity. I thought about the job for a day or so, not really overly enthused to begin. Just looking at it all felt overwhelming. After talking to another friend, Doreen and hearing her excitement over her own home’s Feng Shui changes I went home encouraged and set to work. I began as Doreen had with Feng Shui tips and then as I felt my energy and the energy of the rooms I was working on shift I began to feel excited about clearing my space.

Okay, every moment wasn’t exciting or even interesting. Some of it was down right booooriiiing. But, the finished result, a closet which looks neatly organized and guest room walls brimming with some art and color that brings energy and life to the room made a vast difference in my mental attitude and my pleasure at looking around my guest room.

 My guest room was of particular importance for two reasons. For one it’s the second floor area of my career and helpful people in the Feng Shui bagua. This same area on the first floor is my front door area, which is welcoming and uplifting with chimes, a wooden Buddha carving, oriental rug, a deep warm clay pot and a framed photo of soft, white magnolia flowers. The second reason it was key is because I will soon have my grandma visiting for two weeks and I want her to find the room welcoming and restful.

For me making any room peaceful starts with something spiritual. In pretty much every room of my house you find spiritual items, a religious statue, a buddha, angels, a fairy, an evil eye, all things that bring me a sense of calm and serenity. For the guest room I found the perfect picture to hang; a calendar picture of The Place of Refuge on the Big Island of Hawaii. The place of Refuge is one of the most sacred spiritual spots in the islands. It is known as Pu’uhonua o Honaunau to the Hawaiians and was a place of refuge for anyone who had done wrong. It was where the ancient Hawaiians fled to when they had done wrong. If they could reach this spiritual spot before they were caught then the priests gave them forgiveness for their transgressions and sins.

It felt appropriate to hang it in my career and helpful people area as a spiritual reminder that I too am forgiven for my mistakes and am protected and guided. Just walking past the door and seeing that special picture brings me a moment of calm. Pu’uhonua o Honaunau is one of my favorite places in the islands. Each time I visit the Big Island I return to this sacred and treasured spot and now the beautiful reminder of this sacred place resides in my guest room above the bed. A newly clear space, a clear mind and the gift of knowing I have been blessed with much in my life.

For many people working a job they dislike is a reality. I can remember a close friend of mine going through a stage where he hated his job. He literally felt ill on Sunday night thinking about going to his job on Monday. Fortunately his situation was temporary and he later earned the job he dreamed of when he passed the foreign service exam and began the journey of working in the diplomatic corp in embassies around the globe. Now he and his wife and daughter move from country to country approximately every three years after a six month stint of language school in the United States between posts. It took him approximately seven years of taking the test before he passed. He was determined and he never gave up. He was clear that he would become a diplomat and do the work he felt was his calling. He now travels the world and loves his work.

I too have that focus and determination in my writing career. I spent years writing on weekends, holidays and summer vacations. I was fortunate that in 2002 I had the resources and support to take a year off from my teaching job and focus completely on my writing career. In that year I accomplished a great deal on my book. It gave me a sense of being near to my goal. It brought me to the point of being ready to write my book proposal, which would be submitted to potential publishers and agents. Just at the time I was beginning the search and the proposal process my father took ill unexpectedly and died of Non Hodgkins Lymphomia. He knew he had cancer for only a few days as everything happened incredibly fast.

My world turned upside down in a matter of 24 hours. I flew from my home in Berlin, Germany to be with my father and didn’t have an opportunity to return to my home, fiancee and two cats for six months. It was a living hell. I was absolutely living a life of quiet desperation. On the surface it looked like I had aquired the American dream; a beautiful house, money and resources. Never in my life, before or after have I felt so desperate to escape the misery I woke up to every day.

Handling the loss of my father was shattering for me. He was 59 and my only remaining parent. My mother had died unexpectedly and quickly six years before from cancer that was detected only three months prior to her death. I felt like I was drowning every single day. I can remember days so deeply painful that I literally considered packing a suitcase, driving to the airport and checking the international flights and choosing something appealing and never looking back and never returning. My life was in so much chaos I just wanted to escape and never return.

My step brother told me later he thought often I would pack up and move back to Hawaii, my former home before heading off to live in Berlin, Germany. At times I know that would have been a far healthier option for me. Some of the chaos and stress I created with my choices, but much of it was foisted upon me with being the executor of a very complicated estate. It took nearly two years of constant attention, meetings, phone calls and paper work to unravel everything. It was literally my living nightmare. There are moments that I can see in retrospect where I had choices. Where I could have reduced the stress and moved out of some portions of the nightmare. It wouldn’t have been over but it may have been easier if I had followed my intuition and not let my fear override my options.

It’s normal to be afraid, certainly when you are facing life situations where you literally have no experience and no knowledge of the situation. I was forced to depend upon the experience and knowledge of professionals around me. Sometimes that paid off and sometimes it created a new disaster. What I walked away with in the end was a knowledge that even well meaning professionals can make mistakes that cost you tens of thousands of dollars and energy and time beyond your worst nightmare. I also learned more deeply to trust myself.

For me it’s over. I made some huge errors in judgement and I trusted people who certainly didn’t deserve my trust. I was in a situation with few options and a limited group of people to use as a resource. Some of those I trusted wrongly were employees of my father, others were hired professionals who made some grievous errors. Who would have dreamed in the midst of a mind boggling estate and business challenges beyond my imagination that two of those I was trying to look out for would turn out to be working against me.

One never knows what life will bring and how things will wrap themselves up in the end. I know today that I’m on the path of healer and writer. My life focus is centered on publishing my book on healing grief and relationships. I am fortunate, eventually I found my way through the hell of estate issues, closed my dad’s company and moved back into my own life and skin. I’ve lived what I hate and now I’ve begun to live what I love. It hasn’t been an easy path, rather it’s been a deeply painful path with moments of wondering how I could go on, and how I could get through it. In the end it’s been my faith, intuition, determination and my strong belief in my life’s work that’s kept me on my path through the hell storm of change I faced.

I know what it’s like to live in quiet desperation and I am grateful for reaching the other side and finding a place where I feel alive, joyful and grateful for each day. As I write this the sun is rising and I know I am blessed. I will post this to my website, see the man I adore in a couple hours and move into my day knowing spirit is guiding my life. If you are living some form of the desperation I faced. I pray you too will find your voice, hear the whispers of your intuition and find small ways to begin finding joy again. It can be done; I’m living proof and inspiration.