Mar
03
2009
Control is a perception and a fallacy for each of us. We have control for as long as a situation is going our way. One day each of us wakes up realizing there are moments far beyond our experiences and far beyond what we can accept, even with our heart and mind open. An open heart allows us to take risks and to explore places we would otherwise feel incapable of exploring. It doesn’t mean we’ll feel safe every minute, but we will feel willing to be there, out of our comfort zone.
When we block our heart and close ourselves off we close off opportunities and experiences. We want to protect ourselves and maintain our comfort zone. In those times we feel safer but our opportunity for new experiences and growth shift down to a lesser degree of growth. Sometimes we shift back and forth, as we feel prepared to step outside ourselves and our comfort zone.
There is no right or wrong, simply a willingness to accept that life can be different and or better than we’ve previously known. We learn with experience that opportunities present themselves and we find new and more complete happiness as we allow our experiences to shift and expand. We may find our life different than we’ve ever known. We may see our experiences as foreign and uncomfortable because it’s not our usual pattern. With time we experience a new fullness and aliveness as our heart and experiences expand and reflect a new, greater comfort zone.
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Nov
19
2008
It is truly amazing how life can shift in ten months. If someone had told me I would be living the life I’m living today a year ago I wouldn’t have believed them. A loving, caring deeply committed relationship has always been a priority to me, yet a year ago I wasn’t even focused on “relationship” I was focused on moving into my new townhouse, downsizing, selling my house, finishing my book and getting my website online.
Yes, I had a list of qualities I’d written down in a journal of what was important in a man and in a relationship. I had long past released my need for a relationship and I was happy doing my own thing. I was living a pretty toned down life in comparison to the complete chaos I’d been living in after my father died. After several years of dealing with an estate, a business and a house along with my grief I was happy to be living what felt like a more normal life. I was writing nearly every day, I was downsizing and I was focused on finding a publisher for my book.
Enter my friends with well meaning intentions about the fact that I should look at dating. I had been alone for over two years with the exception of a man from my past who visited a couple times for a week long vacation. Dating? I understood the concept but couldn’t fathon creating the right situation. I knew few enough people in Tampa/ St Petersburg and the thought of trying to find a date was not all that appealing to me. Yes a relationship was appealing. I loved the thought of sharing my life with a treasured man and of course I missed sex and intimacy. But I wasn’t willing to dive into sex and intimacy just to have a man in my life. Things had to be in the right order.
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