“If you want to be loved, be loving.”

Dr. Norris Chumley

I’ve always been in the right place at the right time. Of course I steered myself there.

Bob Hope

The beginning of freedom from the pain-body lies first of all in the realization that you have a pain body. Then, more important, in your ability to stay present enough, alert enough, to notice the pain-body in yourself as a heavy influx of negative emotion when it becomes active.

This is such an amazing book, well worth the read.

Dad and I before I was three years old.

As I watched My Sister’s Keeper I was touched by the raw pain of Kate’s own struggle to make sense of the changes her family faced through her illness and the devestation  of her loss as they watched her die. At one point in the movie Kate’s sister asked the judge how it felt when her daughter died. I could answer immediately, having faced the loss of my daughter and my parents as well as others near and dear to me in the last decade.

For me their loss feels like life has ended. It feels like all the blood has drained from my heart; I’m standing, breathing, yet feel empty and dead. It feels like my life is over.

I was touched by the honesty of what this family faced and how they each handled it so differently, yet in the end when Kate passed they found a way to honor her memory with a yearly family vacation to a place she loved; the wide open spaces of Montana.  For each of us how we bear our grief and find our way through our pain differs. Yet honestly no matter who we are, what we do for a living or where we live we each feel the depth of our losses deep in our soul. No matter if we reach out or go within we must take steps, baby steps forward toward our healing.

Yes, our life as we knew it is over; the life we desired blown to bits and we’re left to take one tiny step at a time into a future  we really don’t understand or care for. Our loss is deep and lasting. With time and effort our healing will begin. I heard Nate Burkus say on Oprah recently that after his partners death he didn’t want to do much of anything for four months, that he was living but felt dead. He often thought, “what’s the point of it all.” He would often stay in bed grieving.

It’s true, in the depth of our loss many of us have those times , I certainly had them. I had days when dying felt easier than living, when my mother’s loss felt like the end of my life. How do we move beyond the loss that devestates us? We take small steps. We find support whether it be a therapist, our family or friends or a healthy combination of all three. Maybe we talk to a minister or we take comfort in silent prayer. The important thing is to take a step. Each small step will lead to a bigger step when we’re ready, until we reach a place where we can take a breath again without feeling pain.

With many small steps we will reach a day when we wake up and feel a smile cross our face; when for so long there was nothing to smile about. There is no magic that will heal us. Somehow, with time after living in our pain we realize we can honor the memory and love of the one’s we’ve lost better by living joyfully. As many, myself included can attest, when a loved one is dying they usually express their desire for us to live fully. They want our happiness. They don’t want us living daily in pain or living empty lives, wishing for them. For me the best way to honor my loved ones is to touch other lives and show people through my example that there’s a way through the pain and loss.

My life looks different than I expected. I’m actually laughing as I write that statement. It’s as if a bulldozer destroyed my life and one block at a time, through a sea of tears I began to rebuild it. Did I want this life? Not so much really, but clearly God did. I now focus my life on writing, maintaining a website that supports and inspires others in grief or loss and I treasure those I love deeply. I’ve learned life is short, pain is very real and we are best served living life with as much joy as our hearts can hold. It happens one step at a time. Take that first step with me.

Encourage others.  Believe in them.  Appreciate them.  See God in everyone.

Dr. Norris Chumley

Twice in the last couple weeks I’ve been touched by the deeply negative intentions of a person I’ve never met, but know through someone close to me. Her actions are off the chart inappropriate and her ugliness has affected many. She’s out of control and clearly in deep pain. I’ve read the ugliness and pain in her messages and heard through others of their own experiences with her negativity. I’m left wondering how we best deal with those whose negativity and deliberate hatefulness touch our lives. I’ve maintained a clear head and  a spiritual heart through this, though it isn’t easy. I have not responded to her tirade though in some moments my ego would love to do so.

I recognize when someone is out of control and I realize in this situation there is nothing to do but step away. My job is simply to detatch from her negative attitudes and intentions and release the situation. It is not my situation to deal with. My job is to keep my own counsel and refrain from making the situation worse than it already is. I can offer caring to those affected and I can pray they’ll be supported. For her I’ve prayed that God helps her to heal and that he shields the rest of us from her further negativity.

Because I’m on the outer edge of the situation I don’t know how it came to be. I only know it’s not desireable or easy to deal with. I know I can only take care of my own emotions and my own perspective on the situation. I cannot change the experience of those living through her daily tirades of ugliness. I can only ask God to guide each of us, and to surround each of us with his love as we learn to detatch. Though this situation is different than many others, the knowledge I’m reminded of through friends and prayer is deliberate detatchment. I can’t change the situation. I can only ride it out with my personal beliefs and actions intact.

I learned of Carol Look and others through Jennifer McLean’s website Master Works Healing where visitors can listen to a series of audio shows for free and then choose to join to have full access to many other audio’s and speakers. It is a wonderful site and I recommend it.

Carol takes listeners through a series of simple statements and exercises that allow listeners to release blocks and begin a shift in their energy patterns. Within a few minutes of listening I was feeling very different, much more peaceful and much more upbeat than just a short time before. I have already listened to her audio twice in the last 24 hours. It is a FREE download which you can enjoy and benefit from.

Renaissance Island

 Renaissanace Island Aruba

“There are three components to the Law Of Dharma. The first component says that each of us is here to discover our true Self, to find out on our own that our true Self is spiritual, that essentially we are spiritual beings that have taken manifestation in physical form. We are not human beings having occasional spiritual experiences – it’s the other way around: we’re spiritual beings that have occasional human experiences.”

From the book “The Seven Spiritual Law’s of Success” Deepak Chopra